"Dummy" … "You're a bad boy" … "What a klutz" -- all of these are harmful! Since negative labels assault a child's personality rather than a specific behavior, his self-esteem will be diminished. Labels tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies.
"I wish you were never born". To a child, being unloved by the person who brought you into the world means you really must be unlovable. What children need more than anything else from their parents is to feel that they are loved unconditionally.
"You'll never amount to anything" Children tend to live up--or down--to what we believe about them. Parents need to believe in their children and predict a good future for them.
"You made me lose my temper" … "You're the reason your mother and I are getting a divorce" . Children are a convenient and easy target to fault for the troubles of other family members. If our children are to learn to take responsibility for their actions, we must set an example of being personally accountable for our mistakes and weaknesses.
"How come you only came in second?" … "You only got a 97 on your exam? Perfectionist parents push or pressure their kids to be the best soccer player and/or get straight A's in school. The message behind the demand is, "You're not good enough the way you are." To hold children to unrealistic expectations only leads to their loss of self-confidence.
"Why can't you be more like your sister?" … "When I was your age, I used to walk three miles to school." When you inform your child that he isn't as well behaved or high achieving as his sibling, you sow the seeds to resentment and bitter rivalry between your children. Children should not feel in competition with other family members because one will inevitably feel devalued and inferior to the others.
"You should be ashamed of yourself-- you're acting like a baby!" … "I can't believe you're afraid of a little kitten.". In shaming, a child is made to feel defective and inadequate about a mistake or misdeed. Shaming demoralizes a child rather than empowering her to change.
There are few things more devastating to a child than to be verbally attacked by a parent in an obscene or profane manner. Children depend almost entirely on their parents' reactions to know whether they are good or bad, smart or dumb, loved or unlovable. They are very vulnerable emotionally.
"If you don't get over here right now, I'll drive off and leave you here.". A threat of abandonment is particularly traumatic to children, since they are so vulnerable and dependent on their parents for basic survival needs.
"How could you do that after all I've done for you?" "You'll be the death of me yet!" Children who are made to feel guilty for normal mistakes or problems that are beyond their control will come to believe that they are responsible for every negative thing that happens in a family, leading to an overwhelming sense of guilt.
(exerts from articles from Love Our Children, USA)
nice article, really makes one wonder and question a lot of things!! the pics are heart-rending.ReplyDelete
After I put this post up I couldn't sleep a wink. I sat beside my little Jacob and just watched him sleeping, pondering my vocabulary towards him and praying for guidance over my tongue.Delete
I want Jacob to be a good father some day and I want him to remember me with love so that he shows that love in guidance to his children. These pictures made me cry also, they just tore at my heart.
i like this post angel....as a parent sometimes we tend to overlook that words are more painful to our children and posts like this is a very good reminder..i am actually printing this post...♥ReplyDelete
I don't think we realize how much damage our tongues can cause, especially to our little ones that look to use for safety and security. The tongue really is a 2 edged sword: truly speaks life or death into any situation.Delete
I'm glad you posted this, I agree with you. There are many ways we can hurt our children or anyone for that matter by using those communication tactics. I think it all comes down to negative versus constructive. If you think there could be a better way to say something chances are there IS a better way, so take that road instead. Thanks for sharing this, the graphic kills me. :[!ReplyDelete
Thank you for visiting and taking time to read this post. I'm glad to hear comments from so many wonderful moms. The photos had me in tears when I was looking for the right ones to get people to think about what the message was. So glad to have you visiting me.Delete
I agree with you 100%. I think it's so sad when a parent has problems in life, and takes it all out on their poor kiddos. Occasionally I find myself wanting to say something like, why can't you ever just behave yourself? Or something. But I always remind myself that my kids will be grown before I know it, and I'll miss them being little so much. Plus I never want to have any guilt from not giving them a happy childhood!ReplyDelete
I'm the same way, you sometimes have to make efforts to watch your words. Words hurt even if we really don't mean them to. I want Jacob to learn how to function in the world without using name calling or labeling people, hope that makes sense.Delete
I totally agree mine are older now, 22, 16, & 14, but when they were little I never called them a bad girl or boy. I think it is the action which needs to be made negative and not the child.ReplyDelete
Labels, are not just given by parents, but can be given by peers, schools, and even the government. Yes, in the early years it is important to watch what we say to our children, it can impact their future so much.
Thanks for sharing on Tuesdays With a Twist.
I can't stand overhearing parents cursing in front of their children or losing their tempers in public spaces with them! Makes me wanna step in and slap the parent!ReplyDelete
We all have to really pay attention to how we talk to our children. I know that is definitely something I need to be careful of, especially being the extreme perfectionist.ReplyDelete
Great post Angel.
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
What an amazing post! It's very important as parents to recognize that our children are souls needing our love, patience and direction. It is true that words can hurt deeper than a slap...although I do not agree in hitting ;) Thanks for linking up!
PonderWonders @ www.simplyymayra.com
This is so true. I created a new board to pin it. http://pinterest.com/pin/432838214157831096/ Hump Day Blog Hop ~ Did all your follows on here. Paula from https://www.facebook.com/PaulaMS.ssgfReplyDelete
This is such a fantastic post. I find it hard sometimes to think about things like this because it makes me so sad to think about children suffering, especially at the hands of their own parents, but this needs to be talked about. Sometimes, despite loving our children more than life itself, we make terrible mistakes and it's hard for us to realise, as adults, how profound the consequences of these mistakes are. And because children are so forgiving and love us regardless of what we do or what we say, we easily forget the damage we might have done. I grew up in quite an emotionally abusive household. I know my parents loved me dearly, but I don't think they realised the effect their words had on me. Thank you for this post.ReplyDelete
This is a wonderful post Angel! Children are so innocent, but most of all they're precious in the eyes of God. We, as parents must ALWAYS be mindful that we never cross those lines! Thanks so much for sharing and thanks for linking up my friend! Have a wonderful weekend!!ReplyDelete
What a beautiful post Angel, and oh so true! I know only too well how devastating it can be. I grew up with some of those very things and it has taken me many years to overcome the scars. I have done everything in my power to break that cycle and it is not always easy, but I at least make a conscious effort. Thank you so much for linking up with This Momma's Meandering Mondays! Have a great week!ReplyDelete
Great read. Everyone should read this. Words are definitely more scarring and takes longer to heal than physical abuse. Thanks for sharing.ReplyDelete
This is so so so true I grew up hearing words against me and when you are so young you believe it especially from someone you trust so much. If its said enough you do believe it thats why every single day i make sure to tell my children I love them I am Proud of them and that they the the most beautiful and incredible creations in my life :) :) words paint a thousand pictures for sure xxxxxReplyDelete
Great post! Definitely puts things into perspective when you consider the kid's point of view!ReplyDelete