Ok ladies, I've got some questions. I've also got a 21 month old son. You're probably already guessing my questions.
Where to start..... Ok, let's go through our day today. We got up today at 7 am, got dressed, spent a few minutes outside in the back yard playing then headed to his gym class. At his gym he's like any other 21 month old child. He's a little shyer than some kids but just a normal little kid. He does great in his class, waits his turn, puts toys up when the teacher tells him to, normal kid. Not yet a group kid but a good kid.
Then we decided to go to Joann's to look around a little. Get through the door, set him down, there he goes. He takes off running throughout the store. I catch up to him and pick him up. Bear in mind that while I'm picking him up he's screaming as loud as he can, kicking the snot out of me, it's like picking up a wild animal. Then he goes into the limp noodle mode, still screaming bloody murder of course. He's strong as an ox and its all I can do to hold on to him. Finally I get his attention enough to ask if he will be good a walk with mommy if I let him down to walk. He of course says Yes. I put him down and there he goes.
It really scares me when he runs off and I can't catch him. People steal kids like a hobby these days. Obviously one of my questions is; how do you other moms deal with this behavior? Jacob is my first, only and last baby boy. I've dealt with my girls but never had these issues. I worry also because its getting so difficult taking him out shopping that I sometimes just don't go. I'm afraid he will get seriously hurt or lost if I can't catch up to him fast enough. Most of the store doors in our area are the kind where you step on the matts and the doors open into parking lots. I'm really concerned.
Let me also tell you that he is the sweetest little boy you'd ever meet. He's kind, sharing, loving. He's just really difficult at times. On the other hand, he never cries for things from the stores, he's just running off and sometimes into things. He doesn't tear anything up, he just likes to touch everything which then usually ends up in the floor.
Is this normal little boy behavior? How have/did you deal with it? I try to explain to him how dangerous it is for him to be without mommy in a store, but again he's 21 months old so not able to understand appropriately. I've left stores without finishing my shopping before, trying to get him to understand that if he is not good then we will leave; doesn't work. You might ask why he doesn't ride in the cart, that's because he continually climbs out of it and again I'm worried he's going to hurt himself. That's why I started letting him walk.
Even sometimes at home he will have a huge temper tantrum. I'm talking screaming, kicking, scratching, going "limp noodle boy", the whole nine yards. This is all just recent developments. He was always so sweet that this new kid he is caught me off guard. Is this just a phase that boys go through? Do they eventually grow out of this? I've heard of the "terrible twos" but this is twos, threes, and fours combined, lol. Has anybody been here, how did you handle it? I'm really not sure what's the best path.
Again, help me. I have a toddler.........................................
Lily is not quite 3 years old and she has done a few of these things to me in the past, too. I truly think it is just normal toddler behavior. Frustrating as all hell, but definitely normal from my experience.ReplyDelete
I've just been amazed at the difference between the girls and Jacob. He seems fearless and scares me to death. Thanks for the encouragement Janine.Delete
Rey is pretty good about staying around but she has wandered at times. I think it's the age. Rey will be three next month.ReplyDelete
Eventually they will start to listen ... right?
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
I sure hope so. My heart can't take 18 years of running through store aisles. The security videos must be great entertainment for someone, lol.Delete
It's funny, you think the actual delivery of the baby is the hardest thing you'll ever go through, then they start growing up, and the older they are the more difficult the challenges seem to be. My little girl is the sweetest little thing for the most part, but sometimes a light goes on in her head and she gets the brainwave that she has a mind of her own and she's going to use the darned thing. It sounds like you have a very typical little boy on your hand. Of course the way boys and girls go through the terrible two stage can be different, so you'll have to adapt your approach to it, but it sounds like you're going through exactly the same thing the rest of us mums of toddlers are going through. We really need to start setting up support groups at every pub.ReplyDelete
I'm glad to know other moms have the same issues. I've been worried because I couldn't figure out if I was doing something wrong. My girls never did this. I was hoping it was just his age. Thank you for sharing with me, I do appreciate it.Delete
First of all the "stranger danger" kidnap fear is really not something you need to be very worried about. When is the last time this actually happened? It is ironic that our society is so hung up on this because it is FAR more likely that your child will be abused by someone we know yet we NEVER worry about uncle Steve or Neighbor Joe. It is also almost exclusively men that do this type of thing and I doubt JoAnn's has many male customers. So stop worrying so much about that part of the equation. When my 14 year old was little I read a book Called "Protecting the Gift" http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009 I highly recommend you read it- it is EXCELLENT about keeping kids safe and it really dismisses a lot of what we do conventionally.ReplyDelete
As for the behavior- I have several ideas 1. He's bored. Would you want to go to JoAnn's if you were 2? and a boy? NO. 2. I truly believe most kids tantrum because they cannot communicate what they want; they are FRUSTRATED. Is he speaking? 3. He is a high activity child and needs to be stimulated more. Maybe have activities he can do while he is in the cart or make a game out of spotting things. I suspect when he runs off he does it laughing and hoping you give chase. It is scary when they run off and especially if they hit doors or God forbid I saw a kid head for the down escalator at a full out run once- UGH I think I lost 3 years off my own life watching it- We did get to her first but it. was.SCARY. He is too young to really understand- kids at this age DO NOT understand guilt so trying to bribe him into behaving doesn't work- and you might have to curb your shopping with him to only important and short missions.
Finally I will say this- I have no idea what this child is like so please don't think I am labeling him or calling him anything...I am just throwing out ideas as I am educated in child development. 4. Kids who have sensory issues- such as CP, autism or kids with just plain sensory integration issues- get over stimulated easily and they cope by not coping. My son is not autistic or CP but he had significant sensory issues as a baby- he couldn't stand to be held upside down or even swooped down like most babies LOVE and he hated messy hands. He is now 7 and off the charts intelligent- a little nerdy- and cannot stand wet kisses on his face. Even if you dry your lips off first he will wipe it off right away. He is tantruming but he still has SI issues. So, do some reading on Sensory Integration and see if it fits. 5. He might just be a kid with way toooo much energy and you have to wear him out before you take him in public places where he has to behave until he is old enough to understand better what the rules are. Good luck!
I appreciate your insight. I will definitely read the book you recommend. Jacob is a very active little boy. He also loves to examine things, you know, really look closely at things. He can only manage a couple of words currently and does get mad if you don't understand what he tries to relay to you. I'll also try more things to keep him entertained in stores. Thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts with me. I really appreciate it.
How about getting a good set of walking reins.harness and then he can't run off. !!ReplyDelete
My daughter had a similar things with her lad and she went from those to one of those wrist straps that attach to you and him - it certainly made her feel safer.
I did just buy one of these too. I'm going to try it. I'll try everything t this point.
first thought... don't put him down. put him in the buggy. that's what they're for.Delete
second thought... pretty typical boy behaviour. he's playing a game and wanting your attention... he just doesn't know how to get it. maybe split up shopping trips with a park visit midway? it'll get him your attention which he obviously wants AND let him burn off some cooped up energy.
third thought... my kidlet was like that, also. fearless... into EVERYTHING. if he's just.... out of control all the time, more than just normal boy behavior... like he can't sit still long enough by now to watch a 15-29 minute cartoon or sit at the table long enough to eat without having to get up and move around, you might get him evaluated by a child's therapist who specializes in children. more than autism looks like this: mine is true adhd. he wants to behave, he wants to please... but sometimes he just can't. it started showing up for Eli around 4.... (two was actually VERY easy for us.... but 4. oh my! it was like someone switched my kid with someone else's lookalike. and while we do use meds, we did a lot of homeopathic/nutritional stuff also and started with family therapy and behavior management long before we resorted to meds. at 13, my kidlet will tell you without a doubt he is grateful that he has access to medications that allow him to take control of his behaviors. (he's adhd and bi-polar... well at 13 they're calling it mood disorder, NOS. but his dad and i both are bi-polar, so it'll eventually get changed to that. but they don't diagnose children with that term.)
I also agree on the high active needs kid... try to make a game. and another easy thing you might try? grab some special cars or a book or something. something SMALL. keep it in your pocketbook. probably make yourself a little drawstring bag and keep a little selection. he can pick one thing at a time to play with IN THE BUGGY while you shop. when he gets bored with the green car, pull out two dinosaurs... when those get dull, grab something else.
the trick is those things can ONLY be played with while you're shopping. you NEED them to be special and something he looks forward to. you'll be able to say, Hey, kiddo, go to my room and get the Shopping Treat bag from my closet! we're going to some shops, so you can take the bag and pick out an activity while I get my work done. then when we're all done with errands we'll have time to play.
We had special specific games for his leapster junior that he was ONLY allowed to play while in the car/on trips/shopping. It kept him busy, the lights and sounds kept his mind engaged, he was quiet and i got the shopping done.
and leapster is educational. so you're not just throwing them video game and hoping for the best. portable video players with headphones work well for this also, as do ipods loaded with kid music. :)
just a few of the things we did to get thru it....
I have 3 kids - 2 boys age 8 and 2 and a half and a 3 year old daughter. My boys are very well behavioured when out in public, but they do have their moments. but my little girl is a proper madam. She will run off around shops a laugh at me trying to catch her, she thinks it's all a game. So now when I go in to shops I get them to help me find things, In the supermarket I will get them to put all the fruit and veg of my shopping list. In clothes stores I will ask them to find and point out if they can find a pink t-shirt, brown bag etc. This does help, but all children are different. So experiment with different ideas until you find one that works for youReplyDelete
Natasha @ www.serenityyou.com
Just wanted to encourage you that energetic little boys all have their moments in shops, and it is completely normal. My son did it quite a few times and I hesitantly bought one of those harnesses and only put it on if he ran away, or wasn't listening. He didnt like having to wear it so I only had to put it on a few times before he learned that running away wasn't okay. In saying that, I also had to learn other ways to keep my active boy busy while at the shops, having him help, bringing plenty of snacks etc, or just making sure my shopping trips were sweet! Oh and I bribe with rewards for being well behaved while there too!!!ReplyDelete
Rest assured its all normal though! x
*short and sweet i meant!ReplyDelete
My four-year-old has always stayed by me. Not sure how I managed that. I also have a 14-month-old and he's not quite on the go yet, but he's on the verge. And I'm afraid. Very afraid.ReplyDelete
My little man was told before we got to the store that he would have to sit in the shopping cart. If he wanted, he could sit in the top or the bottom and I was not above bribing or distracting. If you stay in the cart you can play with these two cars that I brought or if you are good through the store, we will have a cookie when we get to the car. It depends on the kid but you can tell them if he runs away then he might accidently go home with another family and that would make you both sad to not see each other again. My son didn't get that but one of his friends that was the only thing that worked with her. Good luck!!ReplyDelete
We went through similar situations with Grandboy. We just had to use our judgement and if he was having a good day and seemed to be cooperative, then we took him out....with plenty of snacks, dum dum suckers and a toy or book. This probably wasn't the best thing to do but if he was good in the store then he got rewarded with a small little something...he loved getting a balloon for being a big boy. So we would tell him through out the store, "remember if you follow the rules you will get a treat before we leave"...he was 2 so he needed the reminders.ReplyDelete
If he was in a mood or having a trying day, then one of us stayed home with him. That wasn't what I always wanted to do but that was what worked best for him.
I bout died one day when I went off to get something and returned to the center isle to see my husband pushing the cart with grandboy holding on to the bottom of the cart, being drug on the floor through the store. They thought it was hilarious, me - not so much.
Every child is different and this to me is normal behavior; he is more than likely testing the limits. You just have to find something that works for Jacob. Does he like to help push the cart? Does he like to color or scribble?-Maybe take a pencil and small tablet.
It gets easier, I promise. Just experiment and find what works best for him.
Here's one suggestion I didn't see from all the wonderful advice. Make friends with the personnel in Joann's. Learn their names and introduce them to the little man. You will be amazed how quick a two year old will keep the temper in check if someone other than Mom or Grandma call his name. Make a point to say ww are going to see ____, even if you just say we are going to see Joann. But of course as with any age child sometimes you just have to "pick your battles." Enjoy them while they are young!ReplyDelete
Boys are wild aren't they?? You've gotten some great advice here already.ReplyDelete
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