Are you married?
Do you have kids?
Do you ever wonder, is there life out there?
Do ever wonder how you ended up here? Day after day of the same routine. Wake up, feed the kids, change the diapers, drink a pot of coffee, chase the kids all day, referee the kids fights, listen to the baby cry, change more diapers, fix the kids lunch, get the baby to sleep, yell at the other kids for waking the baby up from his nap so you can listen to him cry some more, try to entertain the kids all day, wash the dishes, vacuum the floors, mop the floors, make the beds, do the laundry, chase the dog out of the clean laundry, chase the dog for peeing on the floor you just mopped, cook dinner, set the table, listen to your husband tell you how rough his day was at work, (poor him, he got to spend his day talking to adults, you haven't even got to pee yet, he's breaking your heart, poor pitiful him), clear the table, wash the dishes, bathe the kids, tuck the kids in bed, rock the baby to sleep, finally it's 9 o'clock and you realize you forgot to comb our hair today. Oh well, you are tired to care now. You just want to take a shower and go to bed. And you think to yourself ( I can get up tomorrow and do the same thing all over again, lucky me).
So, you put that thought behind you and get into a steamy hot shower. Finally you're alone, quiet, just the sound of the water running, you let out a huge sigh of relief. As your body relaxes under the warmth of the water, tears begin to well up in your eyes, you are so tired that you don't know how you will do it again tomorrow, your tears come slowly at first, then like a rush of raging waters your tears turn into sobs. As you cry you begin to wonder, "is there life out there, somewhere away from all the noise and chaos?"
Your mind takes you to some wonderful place in the sun where you've never been, you can feel the warm glow on your face. Life is good here, time is your friend. Your days are yours to do whatever you want to do. Take a long stroll on the beach, feel the warm, white sand under our feet. Sip wine by the waters edge and feel the cool tropical breezes and enjoy the wonderful smell of jasmine in the air. You can smile, listen to music, go out with friends, meet a man who will appreciate you and pamper you. Dance in the moonlight and make love under the stars. Somewhere, somebody is living your dream life, why can't it be you? You could just get in the car and drive, anywhere away from here, anywhere. Go wherever the road takes you, just go, go, go now!
Does he still love you? Do YOU still love him? What about the kids, what were you thinking having all those kids? Would you do it again? Would you trade your 4 bedroom, vinyl sided, 2 story for a small beach cottage somewhere far away? Would you trade your privacy fenced in back yard for a yard where the grass looks greener, or maybe the sands are whiter? Don't think about that swingset that little Bobby fell off of and broke his arm, he told his heroic tale to everyone, he was so brave that day, you were so proud of him. Certainly don't think about the huge birthday party you had in the back yard when Janie turned 4. She loved her new Barbie riding car, all those happy kids running and playing that day. Don't think about the beautiful fall day you stood under that gigantic old oak tree and told your husband that you were pregnant with #3. He picked you up and swung you around like a crazy man. He was so happy he smiled for days. Forget the tender way he kissed you that night and told you he loved you and didn't know how he had ever lived without you.
Suddenly you realize the water is now cold, you turn off the shower and wrap yourself in a big, soft towel. Your thoughts still wondering to another life. You long for rest and head down the hall to check the kids one last time before the sweet relief of sleep is allowed. You quietly open the door to the boys room. They are sleeping peacefully, the oldest one snores like his dad. You leave the door open just a crack and head to little Janie's room. Her door is open so you tiptoe inside. There she is, your little angel in her princess bed. She is snuggled up with that ratty old teddy bear that she carries everywhere. She looks so precious, you kiss her forehead and quietly leave the room. Now you are at the door to the nursery, the baby is sound asleep, you stand by his crib and listen to his rhythmic breathing, holding your breath so you can hear his. You touch his soft little cheek and kiss his forehead goodnight and then head for your bedroom.
Your husband is already snoring lightly. The night lamp is still on and the book he was reading has fallen to the floor beside the bed. You bend to pick up his book but you stop, you look at him, he's looks so different than he did so many years ago when you married him. You wonder, "Does he still love me? Do I still love him?" You pick up the book, put it on his night table and crawl into bed. The bed feels so good, you are so tired from a really long day. Then he rolls over and puts his arm around you and his sleepy voice whispers, "l love you." You move closer to his warmth, wishing the thoughts of the day away and as you drift off to sleep you once again think, "tomorrow we will do it all again".
So the question still remains, would you do it all over again?
Marriage is hard work. Sometimes exhausting. There are times you feel so overwhelmed that you don't know if you can take another minute. Days when you just want to run as far and as fast as you can.
Days when you look out the window and wonder, "Is there life out there?"
Do you really want to leave all this behind or is it just a bad day that will fade in your mind and be replaced with the wonderful laughter of your beautiful children and the warm touch of your husband? Tomorrows another day, fresh and new, with no mistakes in it. YOU can shape tomorrow into anything you want it to be. The grass is not always greener.