Sunday, July 7, 2013

How to Have a Happy Marriage When You're Busy Parenting


Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children?  Let's face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship  But marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured.  If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you'll be a better parent, and you'll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.



Make a commitment

To create or maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into nurturing your marriage. The ideas that follow will help you follow through on this commitment and will put new life and meaning into your marriage. A wonderful thing may happen. You may fall in love with your spouse all over again. In addition, your children will greatly benefit from your stronger relationship. Children feel secure when they know that Mom and Dad love each other -- particularly in today's world, where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; half of your children's friends have gone, or are going through a divorce; or maybe it's your kids who have survived a divorce and are now living in a new family arrangement. Your children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your marriage, your children will feel the difference. No, they won't suffer from neglect! They'll blossom when your marriage -- and their home life -- is thriving.
The surprising secret is that this doesn't have to take any extra time in your already busy schedule. Just a change in attitude plus a committed focus can yield a stronger, happier marriage.

So here's my challenge to you. Read the following suggestions and apply them in your marriage for the next 30 days. Then evaluate your marriage. I guarantee you'll both be happier.

Look for the good, overlook the bad

You married this person for many good reasons. Your partner has many wonderful qualities. Your first step in adding sizzle to your marriage is to look for the good and overlook the bad.
Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things -- dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, worn out flannel pajamas, an inelegant burp at the dinner table -- and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can wear your worn out flannels or burp at the table.

Give two compliments every day

Now that you've committed to seeing the good in your partner, it's time to say it! This is a golden key to your mate's heart. Our world is so full of negative input, and we so rarely get compliments from other people. When we do get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it actually makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment! Think about it! When your honey says, "You're the best. I'm so glad I married you." It not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.

Compliments are easy to give, take such a little bit of time, and they're free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: "Dinner was great, you make my favorite sauce." "Thanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful, you saved me a trip." "That sweater looks great on you."

That may sound funny to you, but think about it. How many times do you see -- or experience -- partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they'd never even treat a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Or to put this in the wise words of Bambi's friend Thumper, the bunny rabbit -- "If you can't say somethin' nice don't say nothin' at all."




Pick your battles

How often have you heard this advice about parenting? This is great advice for child-rearing -- and it's great advice to follow in your marriage as well. In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key here is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you'll find much less negative energy between you.

From now on, anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions. "How important is this?" "Is this worth picking a fight over?" "What would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?"

The 60 second cuddle

You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other -- holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing -- just as you can spot an "oldly-married" couple by how little they touch. Mothers, in particular, often have less need for physical contact with their partners because their babies and young children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that day's end finds them "touched fulfilled."

So here's a simple reminder: make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage -- the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort.
Here's the deal: Whenever you've been apart make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch and connect. This can be addictive! If you follow this advice soon you'll find yourselves touching each other more often, and increasing the romantic aspect of your relationship.

Spend more time talking to and listening to your partner.

I don't mean, "Remember to pick up Jimmy's soccer uniform." Or "I have a PTA meeting tonight." Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.

Spend time with your spouse

It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being "Mommy" and "Daddy." You need to spend regular time as "Husband" and "Wife." This doesn't mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. (Although that might be nice, too!) Just take small daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve or a teenager begging for the car keys. A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to re-connect you to each other. And yes, it's quite fine to talk about your children when you're spending your time together, because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.
When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you may find a renewed love between you, as well as a refreshed vigor that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself -- and to your kids -- to nurture your relationship.


So take my challenge and use these ideas for the next 30 days. And watch your marriage take on a whole new glow.

Angel

(Article from: Elizabeth Pantley: About.com)
(Photos from: Pinterest)

15 comments:

  1. Great post!Sometime we forget e simple little things who are actually big and importance!
    Thanks so much for this!
    big hugs

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    Replies
    1. We really do. I've been married for 32 years next month and some things you just gotta let go and get on with your life. Marriage takes work and some cuddling too, lol.
      Angel

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  2. Great tips ... I love this series.

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lanaya
      I got up at 3am and panicked because I thought I had forgotten our party, lol. We celebrate our 32nd anniversary in August. I've been married forever and I'm still happy. I was very blessed to find my husband. I'm so glad we stuck it out when times were hard, believe me we had our share of hard times. So glad you dropped by.
      Angel

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  3. These are all great tips. We have been married for 5 years and I need to incorporate some of these tips. Thank you!

    Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
    Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
    Leslie
    www.violetimperfection.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Leslie
      Thanks for insisting me. Try some of these, you never know if something's good till you try it.
      Best
      Angel

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  4. Love these tips! We've been married almost 14 years and definitely have had our share of ups and downs. We have certainly learned how to pick our battles over the years!

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    1. Hi Stacey
      Thanks for visiting my blog. So glad to have you. We've been married 32 years this August and learning which battles to fight was one of the best things for our marriage. Marriage is a tough job, you need to think before you jump into every fight. War causes causalities.
      I also visited you and am your newest Bloglovin follower. I loved your week in pictures.
      Angel

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  5. Seriously love this challenge and have been trying harder int he last few weeks myself to be conscious of this with my own husband. So, I really do think you are onto something with giving one's spouse more one-on-one time and not taking them for granted. Thanks seriously for sharing these tips and very much appreciate it!!

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  6. Hi Janine
    Im very glad you like the challenge. I know you will get positive results by trying it. Remember, marriage is like any project in your life, if you devote some quality time you will create a quality project.
    Angel

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  7. This is a really great post, full of a lot of really good tips. Thanks so much for taking the time to share them and for linking up to Raising Imperfection this week while I'm a co-hostess! Please come back to Mommynificent on Friday to see if you were featured.

    Have a magnificent day!
    Tina

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  8. Hi Tina
    Great to meet you. Thanks for visiting my blog. I love Raising Imperfection and enjoy linking up there.
    I'll be by to visit you. Thanks for the invite.
    Angel

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  9. Hi again Tina
    I jut left your blog. I love that opening photo. The new man in your life is a cutie. You have a lovely family and I enjoyed visiting your blog.
    Angel

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  10. What fantastic advice here Angel!! You hit the mark on so many of the important pieces that make a marriage healthy and long lasting! Thank you for these... So lovely to meet you! Stopping by from DYW!

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  11. Picking your battles is definitely necessary!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

    ReplyDelete