The Balancing Act After “I Do”

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I Do. Maybe. We'll see how it goes.

We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of committed marital love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite this man and woman in marriage.  The commitment that the two of you are about to make is the most important commitment that two people can make, you are about to create something new, the marriage relationship, an entity that never ends. 

(Are these just empty words of tradition, or do they represent a genuine promise of commitment? The longevity and quality of your marriage depends upon it!  Commitment is a mindset, an attitude, a way of thinking that will enable you and your spouse to navigate through the the storms of a marriage.)

As you stand here today, are you now prepared to begin this commitment to one another? 

Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?

 

You  both agree to treat yourself and each other with dignity and respect; to remind yourself often of what brought you together today. 

Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves. When frustration and difficulty assail your marriage - as these do to every relationship at one time or another - focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by love and abundance.

Will you have this woman to be your wedded wife? (this is not a trick question but it is multiple choice; yes or no, you choose)

Will you love and comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live? 

Will you have this man to be your wedded husband? (Again this is not a trick question but it is multiple choice; yes or no, you choose)

Will you love and comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and

forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live? 

Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent (before these witnesses) by repeating:

(Groom) I take you  to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.  (Groom places ring on Bride’s finger and repeats) (I give this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.)

   

(Bride) I take you  to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.  (Bride places ring on Groom’s finger and repeats ) Please take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.)

    

Groom and Bride, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your commitment to each other by these vows, (and) the joining of your hands (and the giving of these rings)  I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.

                              

*August 2nd, we celebrate 32 years of marriage*
Praise God

Angel 

Have You Let Yourself Go After Marriage & Kids?

There comes a time in every long-term romantic relationship when both partners achieve their preferred level of comfort. You get to know each other and become familiar with all of the lovable little quirks that make up your partner's personality. It's just the two of you and you feel you can be totally yourself with each other, that's what love and marriage are all about.  Unfortunately, some relationships reach a point of partners becoming much too comfortable.  A point where we take for granted that the other person will always be there because they're married to us.  

Then the day comes when the the children start to enter our lives and we become consumed in taking care of them. We dedicate our lives to teaching our kids everything that they need to know and value. But what happened to us? What happened to our identity of who we were before the kids? Does this new life have to naturally exclude the old one? When we watch our kids grow up and aid them in fostering their individuality, wouldn’t make more sense if we continued to do that for ourselves?

Are we losing interest, too tired to care or did we just get lazy? Are we too tired to put the emphasis on who we were? Or is it becoming more comfortable to resign ourselves to our new ways? Have you let yourself go?  Did you just quit trying? Remember the days when you wouldn't go outside your front door without perfect hair and makeup?

Do you ever ask yourself  “Where is the girl that I used to be?”

I think that girl is still in there but maybe she needs a wake-up call. Just because she got married and had a baby doesn’t mean that her life is over.  It might take a little effort but I'm betting you can find that girl if you really look for her.

Everything takes work and if we can carve out a little bit of time in our day and focus on ”us,” we can get “her” back. But before we do we have to be honest with ourselves and really think about something first.  Putting aside our marriage and our children and just focusing on our internal struggles, we have to come clean about our motives and desires for wanting the changes. I think the more important thing to realize is that it’s not so much “can” we get her back, it’s “do” we want to get her back?  If we are honest with ourselves, everything else will fall into place.

So, do you want to find the girl you were before?  If so here's the first step. Get your butt out of that chair and go look in a mirror.  Seriously, I'm not just writing this to take up space, get up and go to the mirror.

Sweatpants may be much cozier than those form-fitting jeans but if you’re perpetually donning clothes you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing out in public, then you may be a little too comfortable in your relationship. Getting dolled up daily is a little unrealistic, so try swapping your sweats for a more feminine alternative and running a comb through your hair wouldn't hurt either, no offense to anyone, but we've all been there.


Like clothing, your beauty routine can easily hit slump mode as time to primp gets harder to come by. But just taking five minutes to spruce yourself up shows your spouse that you still want to look good for him. On date nights, book the baby-sitter to come early so that you have time to get ready.

Having other things going on in your life-hobbies, passions, projects will help you continue to grow as an individual and stay interesting to your partner.

Try straying from your comfort zone to show your spouse that you care about his interests. Do something together that he would love, like going to a soccer game or a restaurant you’re not really into. Enjoy the fact that he’s delighted you’ve chosen to do what he likes to do.  Who knows, you might even enjoy it if you tried.

Another consequence of a busy household and getting too stuck in your routine is forgetting the romance that brought you together as a couple in the first place. Plan a night to get away together or for kids to be away so you can have a romantic night. When young and in love, most couples can’t keep their hands off each other. But as the novelty of your spouse wears off your desire to smother him in kisses may wane too. Give him a big hug when he comes home in the evening or if you come home last go find him for a hug.

Surprising your husband with a gift, it doesn’t need to be expensive just a token that you care like a book on a subject he is interested in. Buy it out of the blue and sit together when you pass it to him-don’t just hand it over the kitchen table, as you will downgrade the moment.

It is most important to remember who you both are and what made you fall in love in the first place, reminisce about fun times you had together.

         

Angel

Article exerts by Scott Douglas, Mallary Collier & Mr. CEO

Are Kids Ruining Your Marriage?

The Family Fix: Are Kids Ruining Your Marriage? 

(this article seemed worth sharing for anyone who has kids, from ABC News)

Before they had kids, Kathi and Greg Scearce were not just husband and wife, but best friends, they say. They thought raising children would bring them even closer — but they found the opposite was true.

Mare and Joe Rivera tell a similar story to ABC NEWS' John Stossel. Before they had kids, they spent a lot of time writing songs together. But they haven't since they had 6-year-old Layla and 3-year-old Jesse, who want to be with their parents all the time.  If Mare and Joe simply want to sit next to each other, the kids try to squeeze in between.  Now they rarely go out as a couple. They haven't spent a night away together in 12 years.  In fact, they barely seem to interact at all, except when it's about the kids, Marie, 10 and Olivia, 4.

Like many couples, Joe and Mare miss the closeness, spontaneity and the sex they had before they became parents. The couple say they now have to make "appointments" for sex every few weeks. "Now it's a big, huge arrangement that's just so much work that it's not even worth it," said Mare.

According to William Doherty, a family therapist and author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart, 70 percent of couples become less satisfied with their marriage and their sex lives after they become parents.

"After we have children for most of us our energy begins to drain out of the marriage relationship unless we put something back in," he said. "If we're married we simply must give some time and attention to the marriage if we want it to survive."

The Riveras and the Scearces grew so frustrated at how their kids were imposing on their relationships that they agreed to let 20/20 put cameras in their homes, in the hope that Doherty's advice would help them rekindle some of the passion and the romance they used to feel.

When Lovers Become Strangers

The footage showed that Joe and Mare had to practically beg their children to let them sit alone together. Getting a night out together involved a negotiation. At night, the children refused to sleep in their own beds, often falling asleep on the sofa, denying their parents any time alone.

"I want all the family to be together — not just you and Daddy," their daughter Layla told them.

Greg and Kathi also seemed to be consumed by their kids.  Almost every conversation was about them, they always helped them with homework, and little time was left to nourish their relationship with each other. After the kids went to sleep, Kathi went to the piano, and Greg to the exercise machine. They then wound down in different rooms, with Kathi usually going to bed long before Greg without even kissing her husband goodnight. (Kathi said she doesn't want him to think she's got anything on her mind other than getting sleep at that point.)

Both couples said they want the romance back — but they are concerned that spending time on their marriage will shortchange their children.

An Expert’s Advice

Doherty described Joe and Mare as devoted parents, but said they were "overfeeding their children and starving their marriage." By spending so much time with their children, he said, they neglect the relationship that created their family.

But both couples, said Doherty, can begin to take back their marriages by doing simple things.

"Children can learn to respect their parents' time," he said, so parents should insist on having one date a week. "Children, like most of us, get accustomed to that which is inevitable."

Second, Doherty recommends going to bed together, even if you're not going to have sex or if one of you isn't ready to go to sleep.

"Going to bed together creates the opportunity for physical contact, as well as emotional contact," he said.

Kathi and Greg should start kissing goodnight, he suggested, even if they have to make a pact that it need not lead to more. 

"Wouldn't it be nice to kiss each other goodnight and say 'I love you' at the end of the day?" he said.

Finally, Doherty suggested the couples set 15 minutes aside every night to talk without the kids around."If you have 15 minutes a day of friendship, conversation in which you're not talking about the bills and you're not talking about the kids' schedules, but just visiting with each other like a good friend, that would sustain a lot of marriages."

Two Weeks Later

Did his advice make a difference? After heeding Doherty's advice for two weeks, the couples checked back in with 20/20.

Kathi and Greg were firm that the kids leave them alone every night for 15 minutes. They even used a timer. At first, they said, their conversation was awkward. But gradually, it got easier.

Joe and Mare changed their lives too, getting firmer with the kids. Instead of asking the kids if they could go out, they told them what they were doing. They now have a date once a week, and are finding time to work on their music again.

Also, the kids are sleeping in their own beds.

"It's a good thing, it's a real good thing," said Joe.

Angel

Anything Goes Blog Hop

Wow, it's almost June.

I always think of weddings when June gets close.

Not sure why, since I was married in August.  

Everybody seems to always want to be a June Bride.

So I decided to start the hop off today with showing

you some of my Dream Wedding Dresses.

A girl can dream, right?

(all dresses compliments of Pinterest)

Angel

On to the hop
Pour yourself a cup of coffee and start hopping.
I've already got mine and I'm ready to party!

RULES:  only a couple

Please follow Sew Crafty Angel 

Please visit other bloggers and make some new friends

You can link up as many links as you want

(family friendly only)

June Wedding Candy

Woohoo It's May 1st!

You know what that means, CANDY!!!

Before we get to May Candy let me announce the

April Candy Winner

is
Angie Brewer
Congratulations and hope you enjoy your gift

Now for May Candy

I'm a planner and like to be a step ahead and thought maybe you might be the same.

I'm thinking about a June wedding.

I wasn't married in June, I'm just thinking about it, LOL.

  So, I purchased these adorable wedding embellishments.

Ok now, "who wants CANDY"
June Wedding Candy

You know what to do to register for the drawing

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till next time,

Angel 

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