Have You Let Yourself Go After Marriage & Kids?

There comes a time in every long-term romantic relationship when both partners achieve their preferred level of comfort. You get to know each other and become familiar with all of the lovable little quirks that make up your partner's personality. It's just the two of you and you feel you can be totally yourself with each other, that's what love and marriage are all about.  Unfortunately, some relationships reach a point of partners becoming much too comfortable.  A point where we take for granted that the other person will always be there because they're married to us.  

Then the day comes when the the children start to enter our lives and we become consumed in taking care of them. We dedicate our lives to teaching our kids everything that they need to know and value. But what happened to us? What happened to our identity of who we were before the kids? Does this new life have to naturally exclude the old one? When we watch our kids grow up and aid them in fostering their individuality, wouldn’t make more sense if we continued to do that for ourselves?

Are we losing interest, too tired to care or did we just get lazy? Are we too tired to put the emphasis on who we were? Or is it becoming more comfortable to resign ourselves to our new ways? Have you let yourself go?  Did you just quit trying? Remember the days when you wouldn't go outside your front door without perfect hair and makeup?

Do you ever ask yourself  “Where is the girl that I used to be?”

I think that girl is still in there but maybe she needs a wake-up call. Just because she got married and had a baby doesn’t mean that her life is over.  It might take a little effort but I'm betting you can find that girl if you really look for her.

Everything takes work and if we can carve out a little bit of time in our day and focus on ”us,” we can get “her” back. But before we do we have to be honest with ourselves and really think about something first.  Putting aside our marriage and our children and just focusing on our internal struggles, we have to come clean about our motives and desires for wanting the changes. I think the more important thing to realize is that it’s not so much “can” we get her back, it’s “do” we want to get her back?  If we are honest with ourselves, everything else will fall into place.

So, do you want to find the girl you were before?  If so here's the first step. Get your butt out of that chair and go look in a mirror.  Seriously, I'm not just writing this to take up space, get up and go to the mirror.

Sweatpants may be much cozier than those form-fitting jeans but if you’re perpetually donning clothes you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing out in public, then you may be a little too comfortable in your relationship. Getting dolled up daily is a little unrealistic, so try swapping your sweats for a more feminine alternative and running a comb through your hair wouldn't hurt either, no offense to anyone, but we've all been there.


Like clothing, your beauty routine can easily hit slump mode as time to primp gets harder to come by. But just taking five minutes to spruce yourself up shows your spouse that you still want to look good for him. On date nights, book the baby-sitter to come early so that you have time to get ready.

Having other things going on in your life-hobbies, passions, projects will help you continue to grow as an individual and stay interesting to your partner.

Try straying from your comfort zone to show your spouse that you care about his interests. Do something together that he would love, like going to a soccer game or a restaurant you’re not really into. Enjoy the fact that he’s delighted you’ve chosen to do what he likes to do.  Who knows, you might even enjoy it if you tried.

Another consequence of a busy household and getting too stuck in your routine is forgetting the romance that brought you together as a couple in the first place. Plan a night to get away together or for kids to be away so you can have a romantic night. When young and in love, most couples can’t keep their hands off each other. But as the novelty of your spouse wears off your desire to smother him in kisses may wane too. Give him a big hug when he comes home in the evening or if you come home last go find him for a hug.

Surprising your husband with a gift, it doesn’t need to be expensive just a token that you care like a book on a subject he is interested in. Buy it out of the blue and sit together when you pass it to him-don’t just hand it over the kitchen table, as you will downgrade the moment.

It is most important to remember who you both are and what made you fall in love in the first place, reminisce about fun times you had together.

         

Angel

Article exerts by Scott Douglas, Mallary Collier & Mr. CEO