I sometimes just sit and watch him play. I love his smile and his laugh makes my heart sing. When he's really into doing something he has his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, like it won't work unless the tongue is out. He sometimes gets the most serious look on his face, a look of total determination.
Sometimes he'll catch me looking at him and he give me this big smile that melts my heart. Then he'll run up and hug me and I just want to cry because I know that he'll grow up so fast and I'm going to miss these hugs more than my heart can bear. Tears roll down my cheeks as I type these words, the thought of missing even one hug is breaking my heart.
He's our miracle boy and he's blessed all of our lives. I think of all those long nights in the NICU praying he'd be ok, yearning for the 5 minutes a day that I got to hold my little boy in my arms. Sitting beside his crib helplessly watching his tiny chest rise and fall, holding my breath every time an alarm went off. All those awful wires and tubes attached to my little miracle. It's said that memories fade with time but I don't think those memories will ever fade. It feels like they are branded into my brain. I can remember those moments like they were yesterday.
What kind of man will he become? He's very smart and already amazes me sometimes with how fast he is developing. The world is full of wonderful things to experience and enjoy and I want him to be blessed to march triumphantly through life not just be pulled along through it.
I pray that he will be kind and wise; that he will be strong but gentle; loved and able to love freely. Blessed with a life of joy, peace, love and laughter.
It's late at night now and he's sleeping beside me and I'm just watching him rest and listening to his breathing. I sometimes catch myself once again holding my breath to make sure I can hear him breathing. He's lost in peaceful dreams now, without a care in the world. Hopefully dreaming of puppies or the moon that he loves so much to look at. I lie here in the dark and wonder if he knows how much I love him. Will he ever doubt the way I feel about him in my heart. I make a promise to myself to tell him each day how much he means to me. I don't ever want him to wonder " does mommy love me".
Does your angel know how much you love them?